August 09, 2007

ANOTHER FALLEN SOLDIER :(

Hello Dear Ones.....well....it is a very sad day for me.  My family has now been (unwantingly) joined with the ever growing group of families grieving the loss of a loved one due to the war.  Last night I received the news that my Cousin Tech Srgt. Robbie Payne lost his life.  WAAAAAAAAA.  I could take all day listing his time spent, actions and duties performed, and acomplishments achieved during his many years serving and protecting our freedom, our rights, our lives as an American.  This cousin of mine endured much as a soldier...you see our country spent much money and many years training him to do one thing........kill.  Several years during his career as a Soldier were spent in Special Services as a Sniper.  He was the one that went out and ahead of everyone else....scoping out the enemies territory and taking out as many of them as possible before the rest of the troop swept in.  His bravery and his accurracy earned him many medals and awards....but it also brought many demons and nightmares.  My Uncle (retired military himself) commented "the things my son has had to do, the choices my son has been forced to make will haunt him for the rest of his life. God give him peace!"  Oh Dear God send your Peace to my Uncle Rex now in HIS time of despair!!! 

The last time I seen my cousin was a couple of years ago at our Family reunion.  Now Robbie has always been the "quiet, reserved" type.  But I had noticed a drastic change.  He was completely withdrawn and had the look of  stalked prey in his beautiful blue eyes.  Within those eyes was much distrust, torment, sorrow, and misery as well.  When he heard that my Son Wesley was considering enlisting with the Army, he advised my "then"19 year old son...."Wesley, reconsider your decision. Use the intellegence you've been blessed with to create and bring forth unity and harmony, not to create new ways of bringing pain, suffering, and destruction.  Use your strong self-will to make your own choices, to pave your own road in life, instead of becoming the governments puppet, jumping, shooting, and killing upon their command.  Allow the love, mercy, and compassion that God has instilled within your spirit to grow, and flow out to your fellow man and let not prejudice, distrust, and hatred harden your heart to the plith of those less fortunate.  For war affects most negatively not the ones who wage it, but more often than not, the innoccent ones who end up having it waged against."   Well...my son Srgt. Wesley Eugene Poucher has now served 2 years of his 4 year term and he shared with me (the last time we spoke over the phone) that he wished he had followed the advice of (as Wesley calls him)  "his Uncle Robbie" but alas....it's too late.    I know not if this entry makes actual sense or not....I'm still in a bit of shock over the news.  I just knew that I had to get some of my thoughts and emotions out.   All I can do now is pray   "Lord God, send your peace that passeth all understanding to my whole family, especially to my Uncle Rex, Aunt Brenda, and cousin Ricky during their time of loss.  Let them KNOW that you are still there and comfort them Lord...comfort them.  Lord I ask that you bless ALLLL of our military with your grace, favor, and safety. Lord I ask that you keep my son Wesley in the palm of your hand, let no firey dart from the enemy harm him, send a legion of Angels before him clearing his path and making it safe.  Place a hedge of protection around him and bring him home without one hair on his head being harmed.  More importantly....let not this war harden his heart or torment his mind...in the name of Jesus I ask, I receive and I thank you...Amen"

Well Dear Ones....I must now attempt to get some work done.  I pray God's grace, mercy, and abounding love be upon you all.  Until fingers meet keyboard, and eyes meet screen again.....God bless.  xo  Kitty 

Posted by Kat at 18:30:35 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

July 30, 2007

HELLOOOOOOO WORLD!!!!

Hello Dear Ones!!!   Ohhhh Myyyy Goshhhhhhh!!!!   Almost a year has passed since my last entry.   Surprised    Is it just me, or are the days turning into seconds, Months turning into a single day and a whole year as if it was just last week???   O.K. .... hmmm .... so what has Kitty been up too????   Welllllll....do you have your seat belt buckled???  Wink    Well...when I left off on the last post I had shared with you all about my Aunt.  Well...she and I fought the cancer with a vengance.  She went through Chemo (28 day cycle...Chemo 3 times a week for a week then 28 days latter back for her next round)   Let me tell you all....CHEMO IS ROUGH.  My heart hurt so much for her because come the week after the treatment the affects of it would hit her hard and oooo how sick she would become.  She received chemo for 4 months.  Then in February (2 weeks before her 68th birthday) the Doctor told us that the chemo had done all that it possibly could, the tumor in the lung was shrunk to a nugget and contained (since she was not a candidate for surgery the doc said chemo was her only option) and that she was as good as she was going to get.  We celebrated her 68th birthday with a bang!!  Ingram Hill was covered with family members "I" had never even met before and many that Aunt Barb hadn't seen in years.  It was a weekend long party!!!  Then....2 weeks later....bad news.  The cancer had reared it's ugly head again and grew with a vengance.  Mother's Day came and Aunt Barb celebrated it quietly with all of her kids and siblings by her side....I could see in her eyes and body language that she was telling them good-bye....and I cried....ohhh how I cried.  Then....one week after Mother's Day she went semi-comatose and within 48 hours she quietly and peacefully went to sleep and with all of us kids and loved ones gathered around an Angel of the Lord took her by the hand and led her home.   WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.  But....her suffering is over.  No more pain and sorrow will she experience and now she's fishing at the banks of the crystal sea with my beloved Brother.   It still hurts....I still cry....but NEVER would I want my beloved Aunt to choose to come back to us that love her and suffer like she suffered over the life in eternal paradise that she has now.    O.K. then so what's going on with me NOW?????   Foot in mouth   Welllll that's part two of the story   Wink 

WEllllllll.......after my Aunt Barbs death I was kind of like  "O.K.  so what do I do now????  Where do I go????  What do I want????"   Well....during the 8 months that I lived with and cared for my Aunt, my husband was trying to get his life in order.  At one time I thought he was going to change jobs and move to where I was and us try establishing a new life there....wellll let me tell you, the pay in "Smallville" Texas we couldn't live on so my husband Roy stayed in Oklahoma.  He found and set up household in a nice cute little 2 bedroom 1 bath house. He made the joke "This way there won't be any room for any of our grown kids to move in with us."  YEAH RIGHT!!!  LOL  After we had lain Aunt Barb. to rest I decided to go back to Oklahoma (and of course all my kids followed me back.)   Wellll....My oldest daughter/son-in-law, and youngest son moved into a house down the street from Roy and I.  THEN his daughter/son-in-law and our (at the time 6 month old) grandson moved in with us from Georgia.  THEN on July 16, 2007 my youngest daughter (Hannah) had her baby (Lillian Grace ... 7lbs 14oz  19 1/2 inches long) and it ended up having to be by C-Section so her and her husband moved in with my oldest daughter and Hannah's sister (Kymberlee) down the street so Kym and I could help care for her during recovery sooooooo.  We pretty much have 4 families living in 2 houses until more houses become available. My oldest Son 30 yr old Eric (the son given up for adoption at birth and who inspired the beginning of my blogging) met and married a beautiful wonderful woman named Candice and they have now moved to South Africa and my Army Son Wesley....he's coming home from Iraq in Nov.      Do I have you all confused right now???  Wink   LOL  Awwww .... that's normal for me ;)  LOL  I STAY confused  ;) LOL   I do not have internet set up at home right now (just don't have any excess time to get on one right now)  so the only net time I have is when I have a few free moments at work.   Everyone tells me "you have to MAKE time for YOURSELF!!!"   yeah yeah yeah....ur right....hmmm Let me make myself an appointment ;)  LOL  All I know is I am a 47 year young Mother of 8  grandmother of 6 that loves her family more than her own life that is ready for a major change in her life.  My husband Roy and I have been talking seriously about going to truck driving school and becoming team drivers (my side of the family, including my Dad, is full of long haul truck drivers)  It may be the only way we can get any "alone" time  ;)   LOL   Over all I'm doing alright.....a bit over worked and way under paid, but hey, truthfully in todays world....who isn't  LOL   I'm still looking up and to the East for the time of Jesus' return is so close.   BE LISTENING FOR THE TRUMPETS TO BLOW!!! BE LOOKING UP FOR YOUR TIME DRAWETH NIGH!!!   Take care one and all and know that I pray that God will touch the heart of and bless each and everyone who reads my blogs.   Till fingers meet keyboard and eyes meet screen again...take care and God Bless......xo  Kitty.

Posted by Kat at 18:11:41 | Permanent Link | Comments (1) |

September 15, 2006

I WITNESSED THE HEALING POWER OF GOD!!!

Hellooo Dear Ones!!! Ohhh what a day today was! At 4:30 a.m. the alarm went off and laying there I thought to myself "ohhhh, just ten more minutes Dear Lord, give me just ten more minutes!" But alas I couldn't afford the extra 10 minutes that my tired body desired so desperately. You see I had to have my Aunt Barbara at Abilene Regional Hospital (49 miles away) by 6:00 a.m. to have a biopsy done on the mass that has been found in her right lung. So, reluctantly I drug my weary body from my warm snug bed and began dressing for the long day ahead. Much to my suprise Aunt Barb. had coffee made (though she could not partake of it herself) and was sitting at the table in silent prayer. I took her trembling hand in mine and together we prayed asking God our Father to give her the strength to endure the procedure that lie ahead, and for His peace that passeth all understanding during this...the scariest time in her 67 years. At 5:45 a.m. we began the journey. Once at the hospital, after being prepped, poked and prodded, we were patiently waiting for "her" turn when a dear lady and her husband was brought in and put in the area next to Aunt Barb. The lady was there to have the same procedure performed as my Aunt, for the same ailment...a cancer tumor in the right lung (how ironic huh) I watched as the husband reached over, lovingly took the hand of his wife, and together they went to the Lord in prayer. It touched me how the husband rose to his position as the head of their union, and verbalized how they both were prepared for the worst scenerio, but as children of the most high Father they humbly asked for "mercy, grace, and favor to be bestowed upon the love of his life, and for a healing touch from the great physician." The peace that fell upon the room was felt by all who knew the Lord personally and when they took my Aunt away...there was a smile on her (my Aunts) face, joy in her heart, and the sound of her beloved chuckles could be heard as she was wheeled down the hall. Aunt Barbs procedure took approx. 45 mins. which was shorter than they first predicted it would take. Everything went smooth as glass and they were able to take three excellent samples, before I knew it...she was back in the prep and recovery room. The procedure was done with local anesthetic, but she still had to remain for an additional 2 hours for observation due to the possibility of the lung collapsing. NOW for the miracle. After my Aunts procedure the dear Lady above mentioned was taken in for "her" procedure. Now remind you...it was the same as my Aunts for the same exact ailment. Her procedure took approx. 30-45 mins. longer than my Aunts did and her husband was beginning to get a bit concerned. Finally they rolled her back in, and the relief flooded the dear husbands face like a tidal wave. He began to question why it took longer than was predicted, was there an unexpected problem??? Did they find something new??? "Noooo" the nurse said, but "we need to wait for the doctor, there is something he wants to discuss with the two of you." I thought to myself "hmmm...if it isn't a problem, or more tumors than first expected...then it HAS to be good news right Lord???" Needless to say Aunt Barb. and I both were anxiously awaiting the answer. Now I must explain how the procedure that was performed on both my Aunt and this dear lady is done. They put the patient in a CAT scan machine, they lock in on the image of the tumor so they will know "exactly" where to insert the needle that is used to extract the needed tissue, give the patient shots to deaden the area, and as they are inserting the needle they are continually up-dating the image. Well the doctor came in with both sets of the dear ladies x-rays. The CAT scan images that were taken when the lady was first diagnoised clearly showed the golf ball size tumor....AND the CAT scan images that were "just" taken as they were going to do the biopsy which CLEARLY showed a clear and healthy lung....NO SIGN OF ANYYY TUMOR!!!! Now dear ones...I am not making this up, Aunt Barb. and I "both" seen the two sets of images with our own eyes (the lady was in the bed right next to my Aunts.) I HEARD the doctor tell the couple that he had NO explanation on how it could be. the tumor WAS there a week ago as big as life, but today...there was NONE!! He told the couple that was why it took longer than usual...he had ordered not one, not two, but THREE new full sets of CAT scans done because he just "couldn't find any sign of a tumor ever even being there" PRAISSEEE GOD!!! Now you may wonder why "this" (someone else's miracle) has been so uplifting, because before witnessing this my Aunt Barb. had already resigned herself to death, carrying no hope of healing or survival and, as I'm sure you all are aware, a person's frame of mind is very important in overcoming such a disease. Now, she has grasped on to the hope that what God has done for one, if it be his will, he shall do for her. But now I must add, my Aunt Barb. also has Alzheimer's and it is progressing :( For those of you who are not familiar...it is a horrific disease and honestly...cancer taking Aunt Barb. would be much more merciful than Alzheimer's. Alzheimer's took my great Aunt on my momma Pat's side of the family and it was a disease that drug out for years and it caused much sorrow, and pain for all. Even my Aunt Barb. says that if she has her preference, she would prefer it to be the cancer that takes her...she has experienced the passing of a loved one from Alzheimer's and THAT disease she fears. All I know is our family is praying "God's" will. Though "we" may not understand it...his will is perfect, and HE knows best. Well dear ones, I am exhausted and I will be staying up keeping a watchful eye on my Aunt through the night so I am going to close and take me a nap while my cousin is here visiting her mother. Keep us in your prayers for you all are surely in mine. Take care and God Bless you one and all....xoxo Kathryn
Posted by Kat at 03:04:57 | Permanent Link | Comments (3) |

September 13, 2006

You Asked for it....Here it Is ;)

Wellll...Hello Dear Ones!!! It's been brought to my attention that it has been a while since I've up-dated my blog. Hmmm well yeah....3 months (gosh where has the time gone?) maybe they were right! lol My life has been a whirl wind since moving here to "smallville" Texas. As some of you know, I left my husband and home in Oklahoma and moved down to my parents home town here in Tex. My marriage, well it is still on hold though Roy and I are "talking" and he has now decided that "I" am what he wants in life, "with me" is where he wants to be, and so therefore he is looking for a job here, and is making plans to pack up "his" life and move away from "his" family and the only area on Earth that "he" has called home for over 30 years so that he and I can work through our problems and hopefully save our marriage.......we'll see. I pray that it will come to pass and that he and I can resolve issues that have plagued our marriage for so long and become united as one in the eyes of man and God once again. I love my husband...he is a good man, with a tender heart, and a good match for me, as long as he stays off the alcohol...we'll see. OK....now for what has been going on in my life for the last three months......Buckle Up, it's a crazy ride!!

Myself, my youngest son (16year old Paul) and my foster son (17yr old Corey) moved down here and into a single wide 3 bedroom, 2 bath, mobile home that my biological mother (momma Shirley) shares with her sister (my Aunt Barbara). The plan was that I would become the care giver for my Aunt Barb. (who is a brittle diabetic, suffers with emphysema, and is in the 2nd stage of Alzheimer's) so my biological Mother could join my truck driver Dad on the road, she is now learning to be a truck driver herself so the two of them can "team drive". A crazy twist to my story is that My biological parents have reunited after 40 years of being a part...THATS a story in itself, and something that I am "still" adjusting to....it's still strange. Anyhow. My 25 yr old daughter decided she couldn't stand being so far from her mom so she loaded up and followed. Then my 20 year old son decided he wanted to join the family moved here got a job and then moved his son and the mother of his son here as well. THEN my 14 yr old step-son (home for the summer) decided he wanted his momma K (me) and HE came here as well...soooo....all of a sudden we found 7 adults, 3 teen-age boys, and a 15 month old (plus 4 dogs a cat and 3 fish) living under one roof!! Needless to say it was a crazy mad house ZOOOOO around here for a while. Everywhere you looked there were body's, heads, elbows, and .... well you get the picture lol There is absolutely NOOO housing in this town, unless you want to "buy." THAT I don't understand a town wants it's community to grow, but yet they won't provide adequate housing??? OOOK anyhow... my grandson and his mother have gone back to Odessa, my step son has gone back to Georgia, my daughter Kym went back to an ex (whom I can't stand) in Oklahoma, and I am elated to announce that after 3 months I have finally found and leased a very nice place for my two teen-age sons, my 20 yr old son and myself. PRAISEE THE LORD!!! To say that the last three months of my life have been busy would be the understatement of the century, but it has now moved into a more calm, scheduled routine life for which I am sooo grateful. Then we got the bad news...

I took my Aunt Barb. in for a doctors appt. She had taken a "small" fall out of a chair (praise God no bones had been broken) and shortly after she began experiencing pain in her right shoulder and chest area. The doctor felt that she might of suffered a hairline fracture or possibly messed up her rotary disc in her right shoulder so she ordered x-rays. We got the results of the x-rays and it showed an "abnormality" in the right lung sooo a CAT scan was done....the results have now proven that she has got an inoperable cancer mass almost the size of a tennis ball in her right lung that is moving outward and has already begun to attached itself to the outer region of the lung and is moving into the bone :( all I can say is WAAAAAAAAAAA. We go in next Friday to discuss the diff. treatments available to her and to decide how we are going to attack this invasion. The prognosis is not good, and this is EXACTLY the path that my Aunt Barbs. mother (my grandma Ingram) traveled. My grandmother had taken a fall, broke her wrist, 2 months after the fall was diagnosed with lung cancer, and died 4 months later :( My Aunt Barb. has already come to terms with it, has already accepted the lot that has been handed to her, and has peace about it (she is a child of God and knows where her soul will spend eternity so she has no fear of death)....it's the rest of us that are not doing well :( It's been de ja vu for the rest of the family....a repeat of what they went through with their mother, and now their sister is traveling the same path and they are not accepting it very well. For me....my heart is so sad. You see as an infant, and a young toddler, it was my Aunt Barb. who cared for me. When I found my birth mother after 40 years, it (unfortunately) was NOT my mother that I remembered, but my Aunt Barb. I remembered her touch, her hugs, her scent. So ironic that it is "I" who is the one caring for her now. I am so sad about this news. I want to scream..."IT ISN'T FAIR!!!! I JUST FOUND HER!!!" but I know that everything has a season...EVERYTHING, including our life. I DO know that as bad as having the diagnosis of "cancer"....it is still far more merciful than Alheimer being what takes her life. Alzheimer is a HORRIBLE disease (a great aunt on my momma Pat's side of the family died from it) Alzheimer strips every ounce of dignity that a person has, it is a disease that affects the whole family in such a negative way. Yes....far better that it is cancer....but still WAAAAAAAA. So my days are now spent running back and forth to docs., treatments, and giving my Aunt the very best "daily" care that I possibly can. WHATEVER my Aunt Barb. wants, she gets, and NO ONE better tell me not too. Even though I now have a place of my own...it is still here with my Aunt that I stay. I was cheated out of so many years with a warm, loving, gentle woman who loved me and cared for me as if I were one of her own....I'm not being cheated out of even a second of her love and life now. Sooo dear ones. THAT is what has been going on in my life. THAT is why I've not been on and blogged for so long. I will say that I have missed it, and all of you, and I promise that I will not stay away for so long. I have forgotten how theraputic writing is. Just know that you all are in my prayers. I must get going for now...time to head back to the doctors. Keep me in YOUR prayers, and pray for my Aunt Barb. that the rest of her life here on Earth is one as free from pain as possible, full of family, friends, and full of LOVE and peace. Til fingers meet key-board, and eyes meet screen again....take care and God Bless....xoxo Kat

 

 

 

Posted by Kat at 15:33:31 | Permanent Link | Comments (2) |